Monday, April 30, 2001
Sunday, April 29, 2001
I should not have been thinking about all that stupid crap, because it does not matter anymore. My final drinking session just brought back all these silly issues that I had told myself I would forget about. Now that I am home I am just grateful that I have a break for a little while while, even if things are not all that exciting. I need a job.
I am writing my first serious short story. I am going to post it here soon. It will be my first offical serious post on the site. Hopefully.
It contains similar elements to the last long post in AM, though it is fictionalized. It is about a writer trying to fictionalize her own tramatic childhood, and how the devices she uses for concealing the character's true idenities paralell's each person's significance in her own life.
Note, I am also writing a fantasy story, no silly autobiographical elements here, and you can see it at window.blogspot.com.
Thursday, April 26, 2001
Why does she resent my repressed sexuality when her next roomate is THIS close to being a lesbian.
***Note: I spent the last few hours drinking with my former roomate's next roomate. We watched The Rock, which is a really bad movie, but fun nonetheless. The FIRST thing she commented on, after having 6 shots I should note, was the physical attractiveness of the FEMALE LEAD. Hmmmmm...****'
She thinks I am not honest with her. I hope she knows what she is getting into.
She does not realize how much people actually keep from her. I don't care anymore, I suppose. I just am kind of pissed that she resents me for the things that everyone else does. What BS.
No more drunk posts. FC was supposed to be a new beginning.
Wednesday, April 25, 2001
Tuesday, April 24, 2001
I gave her my permission to use my computer whenever she need it, but I guess I assumed there was some sort of unspoken courtesy that implies the person who does not own the computer does not go rooting through her personal files. I am more embarassed that the story was kind of stupid, than of anything I wrote.
I am so tired of feeling like I cannot have my own personal expression. Do I have to buy one of those silly diaries with a lock and a key?
I can't now.
I had a horrible, silly little crush on this random individual at the beginning of the term. He lives in my dorm, and I saw him all the time. I dismissed it because it was silly and stupid. I rationalized that he was probably nothing like I imagined him to be, and did not think about him for a long time.
Later this year I make freinds with a guy in my logic class. It is nothing romantic-- he is gay, anyway. I learn that he is the guy's roomate. I learn that my my roomate is freinds with the guy. I realize that he is smart, loves literature, and is completely adorable. He is leaving tomorrow at 11 am. So fucking dissapointed...