Monday, April 30, 2001

Ok, updates, links ect on this site are coming. Soon. I swear.

Sunday, April 29, 2001

No more posting things twice either.
Good God. No more drunken posts. Now that I am home, that will not be a problem, I suppose.

I should not have been thinking about all that stupid crap, because it does not matter anymore. My final drinking session just brought back all these silly issues that I had told myself I would forget about. Now that I am home I am just grateful that I have a break for a little while while, even if things are not all that exciting. I need a job.

I am writing my first serious short story. I am going to post it here soon. It will be my first offical serious post on the site. Hopefully.

It contains similar elements to the last long post in AM, though it is fictionalized. It is about a writer trying to fictionalize her own tramatic childhood, and how the devices she uses for concealing the character's true idenities paralell's each person's significance in her own life.

Note, I am also writing a fantasy story, no silly autobiographical elements here, and you can see it at window.blogspot.com.

Thursday, April 26, 2001

Why does my (former, I guess) roomate complain about my drinking when her next roomate is THIS close to being an alcoholic.

Why does she resent my repressed sexuality when her next roomate is THIS close to being a lesbian.

***Note: I spent the last few hours drinking with my former roomate's next roomate. We watched The Rock, which is a really bad movie, but fun nonetheless. The FIRST thing she commented on, after having 6 shots I should note, was the physical attractiveness of the FEMALE LEAD. Hmmmmm...****'

She thinks I am not honest with her. I hope she knows what she is getting into.

She does not realize how much people actually keep from her. I don't care anymore, I suppose. I just am kind of pissed that she resents me for the things that everyone else does. What BS.

No more drunk posts. FC was supposed to be a new beginning.

Wednesday, April 25, 2001

I spent the last few weeks thinking that is was all my fault. Its not.

Tuesday, April 24, 2001

I was rooting through my MS word files, trying to find something good to post. I looked at the list of files opened most recently, and in the list there was a story that I had not worked on in quite a while. The reason I stopped posting to AM was because my roomate was reading it, which would not be a problem if she had not chosen to do so behind my back. After that experience, I have become paraoid about what exactly she has been snooping through on my computer. I may have been going through that story recently, but I really can't remember.

I gave her my permission to use my computer whenever she need it, but I guess I assumed there was some sort of unspoken courtesy that implies the person who does not own the computer does not go rooting through her personal files. I am more embarassed that the story was kind of stupid, than of anything I wrote.

I am so tired of feeling like I cannot have my own personal expression. Do I have to buy one of those silly diaries with a lock and a key?
I always wanted to reject true love--
I can't now.

I had a horrible, silly little crush on this random individual at the beginning of the term. He lives in my dorm, and I saw him all the time. I dismissed it because it was silly and stupid. I rationalized that he was probably nothing like I imagined him to be, and did not think about him for a long time.

Later this year I make freinds with a guy in my logic class. It is nothing romantic-- he is gay, anyway. I learn that he is the guy's roomate. I learn that my my roomate is freinds with the guy. I realize that he is smart, loves literature, and is completely adorable. He is leaving tomorrow at 11 am. So fucking dissapointed...

Friday, April 20, 2001

Full Circle is UNDER CONSTRUCTION. The first posts, as well as site modifications should be up in a few days.

Thanks,

The Management